CHARLESTON, SC — In a Babylon Bee exclusive, new evidence has been obtained that provides further insight as to how an F-35 fighter jet could disappear and remain missing until its wreckage was discovered. New images reveal the plane was outfitted with the latest stealth technology, including a pair of thick-framed glasses and comedically large, prosthetic nose.
"This is state-of-the-art military gear," said Department of Defense spokesperson John Kirby. "As soon as we heard the aircraft was missing, we knew it would be a big challenge to find it, considering the intricate stealth components deployed with it. With the glasses-and-nose concealment measures, it was far worse than looking for a needle in a haystack."
The Pentagon was left scrambling to provide answers after the media and public learned of the mishap, with many people wondering how the military could "misplace" an advanced fighter jet worth nearly $100 million. "It's not like losing your car keys," said frustrated citizen Zach Lewis. "It's a frickin' fighter jet. Advanced military weaponry. Don't they at least have GPS or LoJack or something? C'mon, Pentagon."
Following the incident, defense officials were attempting to cover up the leak of highly classified details of the Air Force's stealth technology. "This could be disastrous for national security," one high-placed source disclosed. "Now that our enemies are aware that we hide our aircraft with giant glasses and funny fake noses, they'll be able to spot them immediately."
At publishing time, the Pentagon was reportedly considering switching to a new stealth tactic involving dressing aircraft up with robes, turbans, and fake beards like arab sheiks.
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