WARREN, OH—Multiple sources at Bethlehem Community Church confirmed that every single person at the church was clapping on a different beat throughout the entire worship set Sunday morning.
As the first upbeat worship song began, congregants started clapping along cheerily, but the horrified worship band suddenly realized that not a single person could get their claps to match up with one another.
"I'm not even sure how that's possible," one analyst said in watching a video of the service. "With hundreds of churchgoers in attendance, you'd think at least one or two of them would match up."
"It's a fascinating phenomenon," he added.
Sure enough, careful study of footage of the event revealed that through all six worship songs, every single church member seemed to be clapping on an entirely different---and entirely random---beat.
Further study revealed that not a single person was clapping on the correct beat, sources confirmed at publishing time.