WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a Trump campaign fundraising supper Thursday night, the mood was somber. Trump had just informed everybody that he would soon be impeached but would be reinstated three days later.
He also dropped a bombshell on the evangelical leaders gathered to raise money for his campaign: that one of them would soon betray him.
"I know most of you are loyal," Trump said as the guests reclined after their meal. "Very loyal. You guys are the best. But one of you is going to betray me---believe me. Not good!"
His disciples stared at each other, not sure what Trump meant and wondering if maybe he had one too many Diet Cokes with his ice cream. But Pat Robertson whispered to Jerry Falwell, Jr, "Ask him who the snitch is. We can take care of snitches." So Jerry Falwell, Jr. leaned against Trump's chest and asked, "Mr. President, who is it?"
"Surely not I, Lord?" said a sobbing Falwell, Jr. The others all asked him one by one: "Surely not I?"
Tears forming in his eyes, Trump answered, "It is the one to whom I give this cup of covfefe." He then passed a cup of coffee over to Robert Jeffress. "What you are going to do, do quickly," Trump said, clearly in anguish in his body and soul, though again, it might have been the Diet Coke. "Just remember what we used to do to spies and snitches!"
Jeffress went out into the night to make a plea bargain with the FBI.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.