HEAVEN—The everlasting Creator God admitted through a messenger Tuesday that He has recently been concerned that His unchanging, eternal truths might end up being on the wrong side of history.
The Lord has reportedly been growing increasingly worried in recent years that His objective morals seem to be more and more out of step with the current culture’s ever-changing standards. According to insiders, the Almighty Creator of the entire universe has been struggling with inner turmoil over the outdated nature of His commands centering around human sexuality, marriage, and gender identity for “a while now.”
“The Lord admits that He just isn’t sure anymore,” the heavenly messenger explained to reporters. “What if human history looks back at Him in a negative light in a couple hundred years? He just doesn’t know if He can take that kind of rejection.”
Several of the Most High God’s attendants have attempted to assure Him otherwise, reminding the Lord that humans change their moral standards every generation or so, and that in the grand scheme of eternity human history was but a fleeting speck. But it was no use.
“God admits that He has a lot of thinking to do, and would appreciate any wise counsel finite humankind would be willing to offer,” the messenger said.