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Episcopalians Confused By Strange Book Trump Brought To Church

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump visited St. John's Episcopal Church in Washington to hold up a Bible straight toward the heavens, a completely natural way to hold a Bible, in a clearly authentic demonstration of his faith and definitely not a staged photo op.

Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, though, was nonplussed, saying she was confused by the strange book Trump had brought to church.

"What is that weird book? We've literally never seen one before," she said in a CNN interview. "No real Christian reveres a book like that. Well, maybe the Communist Manifesto or something. But not an old-looking leather book. It looks like one of those religious books, and Jesus wasn't about religion. He was about causing societal upheaval and burning things down."

Some Episcopalians suggested it was a cookbook and that Trump was only offering to bring something to the next church potluck. Others said it was a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, a revered religious text among the Left. But in the end, Episcopal believers couldn't figure out what the book was and were slightly frightened by it. 

Meanwhile, Mike Pence was frantically searching the White House for his Bible only to see Trump on TV. "I told him to ask me before he borrows it for a stunt like this," Pence muttered as he breathed a sigh of relief.

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