ENGLAND - England has reluctantly ceded control of their country over to Donald Trump after the visiting US president was given a sword by a strange woman lying in a pond.
Trump was walking by the lake, taking in the beautiful sights of the English countryside, when the woman emerged from the surface of the waters, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite. Trump began to bellow at her.
"Hey, very fine woman over there!" he shouted. "I very much appreciate English girls. Maybe the best girls in the world. Great teeth. How'd you like a tour of the White House sometime? You should see my office, it's literally an oval." Trump then attempted to wade out to her to continue their conversation, but the frightened lady of the lake tossed a sword in his direction to ward him off before disappearing.
"Have it your way!" he called out as he walked away, Excalibur in tow, his hosts in shock as they realized they now had to bend the knee to Donald Trump.
Political analysts attempted to point out that supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony, and that just because a watery tart throws a sword at you, that doesn't mean that you're a king. But Trump ordered them to be quiet.