HOLLYWOOD, CA - At a lavish press conference today, actor Elliot Page received 17 Oscar awards for his previous work portraying women in a variety of films, even though Page himself is a man, which is something we definitely believe, as you can tell by our use of words like "his" and "himself."

"We are proud to recognize Elliot's amazing work in portraying women so very realistically -- most people didn't even know he was a man," said Brett Long, Director of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Subcommittee on Preemptive Apologies and Narrative Alignment.

Though it was difficult to hear Page from behind his armload of Oscar statuettes, it is believed that he said something like, "As a man who is very manly and enjoys manly things, I couldn't be more proud of my work, and I look forward to working on more manly portrayals of waifish, wide-eyed ingenues."

Long later told reporters that his subcommittee will be having many more similar ceremonies in the near future. "We're looking at Hattie McDaniel right now, and we're either going to give her six more Oscars for being a cultural trailblazer or cancel her completely for perpetuating racial stereotypes. What do you guys think?"