RENTON, WA—In a bold move for inclusivity, Wizards of the Coast announced today that all copies of the Dungeons & Dragons starter set will include a special D100 for determining your character's gender.
"Not sure if your Half-Orc Paladin is a demiboy or agender? Just roll this handy new die," said a WOTC rep. "It makes character creation fast, fun, and streamlined. And don't worry -- if you don't like your gender, just roll it again, no questions asked. In fact, you can do that at any point during the game without even consulting your DM. Change at any time."
"See, when you're playing a game that was designed for players to go raid dungeons, get loot, and kill dragons, the important thing is that you spend 14 hours trying to determine your character's sexuality, gender, sex, and political positions," he continued. "That's what made this hobby so popular: screeching leftists on Tumblr, and we have to cater to these hardcore fans."
A revised copy of the Player Handbook contains rules for using the die. All players must select one of the hundred genders upon creating their character. "Men" and "women" are, of course, not included out of sensitivity to non-binary folk. Any PC that refers to another PC as the wrong gender will instantly be killed by a falling meteor. Then, the player controlling that character is subject to cancelation in the real world.
Wizards also confirmed that the sixth edition of Dungeons & Dragons will include a D1000 for selecting your character's pronouns.