Worried about your kids growing up to be Nazis? Plan some quality time with your family that will reinforce progressive ideas and cast aside the oppressive hands of the patriarchy!
Here are some great family-friendly activities:
- Family-friendly drag show: Show your children you care by taking pictures of them with half-naked.... men?
- Family-friendly game of "stick the fork in the light socket": What happens next will shock you!
- Family-friendly swim with sharks while covered in blood and chum: They're just marginalized!
- Family-friendly trip to Mos Eisley: A most family-friendly hive of scum and villainy.
- Family-friendly tightrope over a pit of coked-up alligators: Encourages exercise and balance!
- Family-friendly journey to Mount Doom: Teach them all about the marginalized Orc community.
- Family-friendly meth cook-off: Unless you can get your hands on some opioids.
- Family-friendly Jewish space laser: Teach your children how the Jews control everything while you build your own scale model Jewish laser.
- Family-friendly Kabul airport evacuation: No one will be left behind!
- Family-friendly mini golf with bears: We suggest a new strategy: let the bears win.
- Family-friendly meet-and-sniff with Joe Biden: What an honor!
- Family-friendly visit to den of wolves who are dressed like sheep: Perfectly safe. Fun for all!
NOT SATIRE: American families are under attack by the left's woke mob. The Big Family is here to FIGHT BACK!
The American Principles Project's Big Family is mobilizing THOUSANDS of families just like yours to directly fight back against the woke left's assault on our culture. You read about the left's insanity here on the Bee - the drag queen story hours, loony pronouns, and nutty professors. It's all pretty funny sometimes. But the left's deeper agenda - the destruction of traditional values and American families - isn't a laughing matter.
That's why we're organizing families all across America to FIGHT BACK. By taking direct political action against the left's worst groomers, propagandists, and corrupt politicians we are winning the battle for our kids' futures. Don't take it from us, take it from the left - they call us "the NRA of families." That's because we're defeating the woke agenda across America - from California to Washington.
Starting at just $8 a month you can join the fastest-growing political army in America. Together, we'll defeat the woke left and remind the people destroying our country what they really are: a joke that belongs in the Babylon Bee.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.