Residents Become Chief Export Of California
Politics · Aug 30, 2022 ·

SACRAMENTO, CA — California made headlines this week when the World Trade Organization confirmed that the state has a new chief export: residents moving to other states to seek a better life.

"California has historically been a top net exporter of agriculture, entertainment, and electronics – as of this year, citizens have become the state's top export." Judy Perez, an analyst for the World Trade Organization who oversees trade and tariff data, spoke to members of the press to announce the new accolade for the state.

"The high taxes and real estate prices, rise in street-level crime, and commercial overregulation have finally caused resident exports to outpace exports of all other products – the next three highest exports combined still fall short of the number of citizens fleeing to Florida, Texas, and elsewhere." Perez added that Americans could still enjoy California's traditional exports, including delicious wine, almonds, and oranges, along with Hollywood perversion and wildfires spilling over borders to adjacent states.

"We are proud to be sending our top talent to other states to disseminate our ideologies. We don't just export people – we export morality, justice, and democracy." California Governor Gavin Newsom's office responded to press inquiries about the new accolade, adding boasts that the "conservative bullies" governing other states were lucky to have upstanding California citizens join their voting rosters to ring in progressive policies that could help them be as well-managed as the Golden State.

At publishing time, Texas Governor Gregg Abbott and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis had added a tariff to imported Californians and announced plans to bus Californian refugees to Washington D.C. and New York City if the states hemorrhaging citizens failed to stem the flow.

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