Health
Dr. Fauci Recommends Encasing Your Entire Body In Bubble Wrap To Protect Against Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference Wednesday, Dr. Fauci suggested that Americans cover their entire bodies in bubble wrap to protect against coronavirus.

"Studies have shown that this is very effective at stopping the virus, germs, and the oxygen that carries these things," Fauci said. "You will no longer have to worry about death by coronavirus, though I'm just a medical doctor and can't speak to any other risk factors this may introduce."

Of course, Dr. Fauci says that he and other Washington elites are exempt from the recommendation.

"I mean, other people should do that, not me," he said, chuckling. "I can go to a baseball game and stuff without worrying about protecting against that kind of stuff, because I'm a doctor. The virus and I are on good terms."

Some doctors quickly held a press conference to point out the dangers of wearing the new full-body bubble wrap cocoons, but their video was banned from Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube for containing dangerous medical misinformation.

At publishing time, Fauci had also pointed out that the bubbles are really fun to pop and admitted that may have informed his recommendation.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There are 73 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.