MALIBU, CA — Hunter Biden looked visibly troubled this week as sales for his paintings plummeted by approximately 100%.
"You said these were masterpieces!" cried a forlorn Hunter Biden to his handler. "How come all of a sudden no one wants my colored glass blocks that I put in a little spiral? I worked so hard on this."
Art director Stefan Wilminstein, who reportedly discovered how much attention Biden's work was getting among foreign leaders, says that Biden's career is likely finished. "Zero sales in the last week. We used to get billions of dollars from art lovers all over Ukraine and China. Now, nothing. I just don't understand it."
According to sources, Biden has fallen into a deep depression and begun lamenting his life as a tortured artist. "Oh, I am slain!" Biden said during a particular soliloquy. "Shall I only find fame in death like the great ones of old? Oh! But the colors! I put colors on the canvas and yet the world is color blind! My life is over!"
All future exhibitions of Biden's work have been canceled. The Georges Bergès Gallery, which previously presented his work, was unable to comment on the art's sudden depreciation because the gallery's director was on vacation in Ukraine, a place he calls "the Hawaii of the east."
At publishing time, Hunter Biden had announced that he was going to give up cocaine until he sold another piece of his art.
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