U.S. — In honor of the hundreds of billions of dollars being funneled to support the LGBTQ cause, the dollar sign has officially been added as the newest member of the acronym.
"Money is a critical, critical part of this community," said trans activist Chesly Chester. "We hope this change reflects just how much we truly value money."
Despite humble beginnings, the LGBTQ$ movement has transformed into a financial juggernaut over the past two decades, raking in billions upon billions of dollars. "We've got cash pouring in from universities, corporations, governments - the gay cause was an amazing investment," said DEI Officer Martha McKnight. "We are proud to officially welcome the dollar sign to the acronym. It‘s the driving force behind 99.9% of what we do."
While the addition of money to the acronym has been generally praised, there have been a few naysayers. "There will always be intolerant bigots who are unwilling to hand over their money to the LGTBQ$ community," said Mr./Mrs. Chester. "Now that we've added the dollar sign, to deny us money is to deny our existence. It's literally genocide. So, yeah - hand over your wallet."
At publishing time, a coffee chain had declined to give the LGBTQ$ community ten million dollars in advertising, resulting in the immediate rise of the Fourth Reich.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
