DALLAS, TX — In a surprise move, the Democratic National Committee has decided to support Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. with a nice rally by a grassy knoll in Dallas.

"It will be a picturesque setting, surrounded by nature and clear, open skies with perfect visibility for aiming down scope, providing the ideal backdrop for this historic occasion!" said DNC spokesperson Clyde Jeffers. "We can't wait to launch his campaign with a bang. We really think he's got a shot!"

The DNC offered to spare no expense, stating they would have it no other way than to see Kennedy Jr. riding freely through Dallas with the windows down in his choice of a convertible car.

"We LOVE us some Kennedys!" continued DNC spokesperson Jeffers. "People think we'd stop at nothing to crush any real competition to Joe Biden, but that's just downright silly. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get in position on the grassy knoll."

Mr. Kennedy Jr. reportedly declined the DNC's offer, stating, "I'm not an idiot." At publishing time, Kennedy Jr. was greeted by a new house cleaner named Hilda Clintogoria.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.