Disney announced last week they would be discontinuing their Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion hiring practices, a giant move away from the direction the company has been heading for quite some time now.
In the wake of this announcement, here are 10 totally based changes coming to Disney this year:
Mickey and Minnie will be forced to finally marry and stop living in sin. They've been dating over 100 years. It's about time.
Racism will be added back into the Splash Mountain ride: Nature is healing.
Donald Duck will be required to wear pants. His days of corrupting the youth are over.
The new Snow White movie will replace Rachel Zegler with conservative superstar James Woods. An actor of his range and caliber could totally pull it off.
Pocahontas will get a job as a greeter at the casino. And on the weekends she sings "Just Around The River Bend" in the casino lounge.
Old classic cartoon "Mickey Joins The Luftwaffe" will return to Disney+: A long-forgotten masterpiece, now available on streaming.
All the animatronic presidents at Disneyland will now be programmed to do the Trump Dance. This is both a fun and terrifying change and we're here for it.
The entire Peter Pan movie will now just be them singing "What Makes The Red Man Red": That will be both fun and entertaining to watch.
Pride Rock will get bulldozed for a big, beautiful oil well. Drill, baby, drill.
The movies will be good again: Haha, just kidding. Probably not.
What's your favorite change? Let us know in the comments!
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
