BURBANK, CA — In an effort to win back disgruntled fans, Disney executives announced a brand-new Star Wars film trilogy centered entirely around Jar Jar Binks, one of the most popular characters in the franchise.
The multi-billion-dollar project was greenlit after extensive internal marketing research indicated that the one thing missing from recent Star Wars projects was a high-stakes, dramatic exploration of the beloved Gungan.
"We know just what the fans really want," Disney CEO Josh D'Amaro said. "We've heard them loud and clear. People want to get back to the core values of George Lucas's vision. And nothing says cinematic excellence quite like three feature-length films dedicated to a CGI amphibian accidentally destroying a battle droid army because his foot got stuck in a catapult. 'Meesa clumsy!' Ha ha ha. I love that guy. And audiences do, too."
Lucasfilm head Dave Filoni echoed the sentiment, assuring fans that the trilogy would dive deep into the rich lore of Naboo's underwater politics, featuring hours of dialogue spoken exclusively in high-pitched, nonsensical baby-esque Jar Jar babble.
The trilogy was officially scheduled to begin production this fall, with a targeted 2028 release of the first chapter, Star Wars: Jar Jar Binks, featuring the tagline "Weese gonna party!"
At publishing time, Disney stock had plummeted 40% within minutes of the press release.
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