ATLANTA, GA — In an unusual choice of wardrobe, Vice President Kamala Harris arrived to address a mostly black crowd in Atlanta wearing a do-rag and sporting a massive, golden dollar-sign necklace.

"What is up, my homies," said Harris, leading off her speech. "This is off the chain! Are you feeling me, my fellow black people?"

After showing off her new "bling" and saying hello several more times to her "homies," Harris launched into a notably altered version of her stump speech. "While Trump be in his mansion, I be out here in these streets, yo," said Harris. "I know we all chasin' that cheddar, for real. But Trump -- nah, he be straight trippin', dawg. I ain't jiggy with that. You feel me?"

According to sources in the crowd, no one was, in fact, feeling her. "What in the world is happening right now," said audience member Daryl Robinson. "I haven't understood one thing that woman has said. Oh good gracious, did she just pull out a menthol cigarette?"

At publishing time, Harris had given a kind nod to the few Indians in the crowd by ending her speech saying, "Thank you, come again."

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