ISRAEL — After collecting twelve baskets of leftover food from Jesus' miraculous feeding of the five-thousand, the disciples asked the kid who brought fish and loaves if perhaps his mom could pack wings and nachos next time.
"Kid, just think about the nacho bar we could have," said Thomas. "And if your mom has a little ranch dip she could throw in - that would be so clutch. Just saying."
According to sources, the apostles had watched in great anticipation as the boy pulled out the contents from his basket to hand to Jesus. "Please be hot wings, please be hot wings," Jude was heard saying repeatedly. "Boneless if we can, but hey - I'm not picky. This could be so epic. Come on, kid!"
After hiding their disappointment at yet more fish, the disciples voted for Thomas to put in a good word with the kid. "Look young man, you're apparently the only one out of these thousands of people who we can count on," said Thomas. "Next time you grab your basket to head our way, consider what unlimited, miraculous pizza would be like. Oh and hey - between you and me - do you have any zebra cakes in your pantry?"
At publishing time, Judas had reportedly asked Jesus if that food multiplication thing worked on steak.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.