LONDON — Tragedy unfolded at today's coronation after King Charles lost control of his ice powers and froze most of London.
"I'm a monster!" cried King Charles as he slipped on white gloves. "Stay away from me, Camilla! I don't want to hurt you!"
After years hiding himself away from anything that could trigger his ice powers, King Charles finally opened the gates for his public coronation. "It felt like the first time in forever," said Queen Camilla. "Then Charles - he lost control, froze Buckingham Palace, and fled away on a bridge of ice! I begged him to take his coat before he ran, but he just said, 'The cold never bothered me anyway'."
Authorities report King Charles fled towards Scaffell Pike, magically surrounding himself with frozen fractals as he travelled. "I just couldn't keep it in - heaven knows I tried!" cried King Charles as he raised an ice castle from thin air. "I tried to conceal, to not feel - but now they know! Let it gooooo!"
At publishing time, Queen Camilla was seen standing outside the ice castle, softly asking, "King Charles? Do you want to build a snowman?"
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
