LAS VEGAS, NV — Voters on the fence about where to place their trust in the upcoming presidential election breathed a sigh of relief last night, as Diddy's ex-girlfriend urged all Americans to trust her judgment.
Actress/singer Jennifer Lopez, one-time companion of the now-disgraced entertainment mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs, appeared on stage at a political rally to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris in yet another strong display of her outstanding ability to judge a person's character.
"I just have a knack for picking the best people," Lopez said before introducing Harris to the crowd. "As anyone can see from my track record — including all four of my marriages — I am a tremendous judge of character. I strongly urge all voters to elect Kamala Harris. She's the best, most upstanding person I've met since Diddy, and that's saying something."
Fans in attendance at the rally were prepared to wholeheartedly follow Lopez's directions. "J-Lo can do no wrong," said Democrat and Lopez fan, Maria Marquez. "Anyone can see how gifted she is when it comes to knowing which people are good and which people are bad. Anyone who has been married that many times and has had that many romantic relationships knows a thing or two about people. And she's famous, wealthy, and attractive, so I'll do whatever she says."
At publishing time, Lopez had reportedly re-married actor Ben Affleck shortly before divorcing him again 30 minutes later.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
