SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning transformation, local dad Greg Thompson debuted a head-turning glow-up this weekend with a brand-new plaid shirt from Walmart's clearance rack.
The $12.97 flannel, boasting a bold brown, burnt orange, and tan pattern, catapulted Greg from just that guy who mows the lawn at 8 a.m. in his pajamas to a regular neighborhood bon vivant.
"I was just grabbing some motor oil and a bag of frozen nuggets when I saw it," Greg told reporters, adjusting his collar with a newfound swagger. "With its quality reinforced stitching on the elbow and affordable price, I knew I had to have it."
Sources confirm the shirt is 100% polyester but "feels like a million bucks" when paired with Greg's signature cargo shorts.
Greg's wife, Cheryl, admitted she's struggling to keep up with her husband's newfound charisma.
"He's been strutting around the house, calling himself ‘Plaid Daddy,'" she said, blushing. "I caught him flexing his muscles in the mirror. I don't know who this man is anymore."
Walmart reported a 300% spike in plaid shirt sales since Greg's transformation went viral on the neighborhood Facebook group. "We're calling it the Thompson Effect," said store manager Debbie Grimes. "Dads are storming the men's section like it's Black Friday. We've had to restock the racks twice."
Greg's taking his newfound fame in stride. "I'm just a regular guy who found a shirt that slaps," he said, tossing a football to his son with a smoldering grin. "But yeah, I'm probably gonna grab the green one next. Gotta keep the ladies guessing."
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
