U.S. — According to sources, several individuals who bypassed the legal process in migrating to the United States are demanding due process before being deported.
"The law has to mean something!" said José, a member of the international crime gang MS-13. "America is a nation of laws, and laws must be followed, except for the ones that say I can't sneak in and do a bunch of murderin'. Those don't count."
Washington Democrats blasted the Trump administration for swiftly punishing migrants just because they "broke the law," arguing that migrants shouldn't have to follow the law. "Following the law is for Americans. These noble migrant creatures shouldn't have to follow the law," said Nancy Pelosi.
Maryland Senator Chris Van Hollen went even further, going out of his way to personally visit every single person deported by the Trump administration. "All non-American invaders deserve American due process," he said during a meeting with notorious drug lord Sancho Parra. "It's in the constitution somewhere."
At publishing time, the United States Supreme Court ruled that President Trump must stop deporting criminals since they snuck into the country fair and square.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
