QUINCY, MA — Weary from a major smallpox outbreak in her area, the wife of John Adams claimed she was starting to believe this whole thing about a "Continental Congress" was made up by her husband as an excuse to go hang out with the boys.
Though Adams sent frequent letters to his wife, Abigail, detailing the myriad of frustrations and struggles he was encountering as a Massachusetts delegate to the Second Continental Congress, she was reportedly certain he was using it as an excuse to get away from his family.
"He probably hopes we all die while he's out galavanting with Benjamin Franklin of all people; as if anyone would invite that pompous oaf to a congress," Abigail Adams said as she managed the fever of her six-year-old son, Charles. "I just wish, for once, he'd want to spend time with his family."
Adams has repeatedly maintained his innocence in the matter in letters to his wife, insisting that the Second Continental Congress was definitely real. "My Dearest Friend," he wrote, "I know it sounds made up, but we really are meeting about the question of Independence. Please stop making me feel guilty for doing my duty."
According to sources, Abigail had little reason to worry because her husband is far too obnoxious and disliked for anyone to go out drinking with him. He even had to establish a committee to write a Declaration of Independence just to get people to talk to him.
"I really hope Thomas Jefferson will be my friend," Adams said. "He's the only one who hasn't called me fat."
At publishing time, Abigail Adams had admitted she was obsessively following her husband's social media presence for any sign that he was out partying.
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