DETROIT, MI — After suffering a record-tying 28th straight loss, basketball fans across the country and the other 29 NBA teams voted unanimously to demote the Detroit Pistons to the WNBA.
"It's really a much better fit for them," said lifelong basketball fan Jonathan Hughes. "They're playing a much slower, less exciting, lower-scoring style of basketball, and that definitely lends itself more naturally to the WNBA."
Though the members of the team expressed disappointment with the demotion, they all agreed that it was for the best. "We get it," said point guard Cade Cunningham. "Even though we want to compete with the very best, we know there are consequences to the way we're playing. Maybe someday we can prove ourselves and work our way back up to the big show, but for now, we'll just regroup and focus on trying to dominate the WNBA."
Despite the shock of the announcement, WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert welcomed the new addition to the league. "We're thrilled to add such a storied basketball franchise," she said. "Fostering disinterest in the fanbase and showcasing lackluster play in front of mostly empty arenas are hallmarks of our league, so we're confident the Pistons will feel right at home here."
At publishing time, though the team earned a spot in the record books for futility in the NBA, prominent basketball experts were already predicting the Pistons would likely go undefeated the rest of the season while going on to win the WNBA Championship this season.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
