Politics
Desperate Seattle Police Hit Antifa With Fire Hose Of Axe Body Spray

SEATTLE, WA—Seattle has been taken over by Antifa forces, forcing desperate police to fight back with fire hoses full of Axe body spray.

With massive Axe Body Spray tanks strapped to their backs, the brave police charged into occupied territory and hit them with a full blast of the stuff.

"This was a last resort," said one Seattle police lieutenant. "For the safety of the city, we had to force the protesters to take some kind of shower. Even if it's just Axe."

"Plus, there's nothing Antifa hates more than any kind of personal hygiene."

Antifa fled in terror from even the slightest hint of deodorant, even Axe. A representative for the group called the concept of deodorant "an oppressive, Westernormatoxicisgendered idea whose time has passed."

"It is time for us to dismantle Western concepts of deodorant and hygiene," he said. "To suggest one person is smellier than another simply because he hasn't showered in a few months is bigoted and archaic."

Unfortunately, the Axe spray just mixed in with the smell of the occupying Antifa group, and now the whole area smells like patchouli, sweat, and Axe body spray.

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