HAMBURG — Chaos erupted and hundreds fled in a German city once again today, after what witnesses described as a "deranged maniac" allegedly fired off over 17 memes in a crowded shopping mall.
The incident occurred during peak shopping hours, with one witness saying that a commotion arose near the food court, as someone began screaming, "Memes! Memes! Run! Run!" before people began making panicked runs for the exits.
"You see this on the news, but you never expect to experience it firsthand," said witness Friedrich Müller. "We were just shopping and enjoying our day when this sick lunatic just started meming. It was horrible. I saw some people lying on the ground. It was too late to save them. I'm one of the lucky ones who escaped."
Police arrived moments later and subdued the suspect. "He had several more memes drafted up that he was planning to post," a law enforcement spokesman said. "We searched his vehicle and found an entire stockpile of memes that he had in reserve. We shudder to think of what might have happened if he had the opportunity to finish what he started. There's no place for these types of hateful actions. Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims of these memes."
Early reports indicated that the suspect had been planning the mass meming for months, though authorities had not yet determined how the suspect stockpiled so many memes.
At publishing time, the German government had launched a formal investigation into rumors that the perpetrator may have been a part of an international meme organization.
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