U.S. - A horde of demons known as "Legion" begged the Lord to cast them out of a hysterical mob of outraged liberals and into the abyss during a violent protest Monday morning.

Upon realizing they were trapped in the liberals they had possessed some time ago, the demons petitioned Jesus to exorcize them and send them absolutely "anywhere else." They cited the "repulsive" uncivility they've witnessed in the liberal mob, the annoying slogans they shout over and over again, and the smell as reasons for their desire to escape the throng of violent protesters.

"Really, we'll go anywhere," said the demons. "You can send us to the eternal abyss, for all we care. We just can't stand the chanting anymore. You can send us into some unclean pigs, a bunch of wild dogs, heck - even cats." However, they were quickly informed that they cannot be cast into cats, since cats are already demons.

At publishing time, the demons' request had been granted, but they were horrified to discover they had simply been transferred to a white supremacist group.