WASHINGTON, D.C.—With the Supreme Court taking on an abortion case and more states passing abortion restrictions, Democrats are beginning to fear a dark, dark future where people can no longer kill children because they’re inconvenient.
“One of our most cherished American rights,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi told the press, “is that if a child is inconvenient or we just don’t want him or her for some reason, we get to kill that child. Now I want you to imagine a future where violence is no longer considered a solution to pregnancy. It’s horrifying, isn’t it?”
Right now, if a child is imperfect or simply undesired, doctors can tear that child apart, but Republicans are pushing the country toward a dystopian future where sucking the brains out of a child is considered illegal and wrong.
“It’s like some sort of reverse-Nazi future,” said Squad member Representative Ilhan Omar, “where you can no longer mass slaughter people because you don’t want them around.” She then added in a whisper, “Though I’m not sure that actually happened with the Nazis.”
If Republicans do succeed in outlawing abortion, Democrats fear that could be the end of civilization itself. “Modern society is built on sex and murder,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “You have sex, and then if that results in new life, you murder that life. What is society without that? Nothing civilized.”