WASHINGTON, D.C. — After hearing Josh Shapiro might be Kamala Harris's pick for Vice President, Democrats worry his name on the ticket might cost them the all-important "Death To America" vote.
"I think Josh is very qualified to be Harris's VP pick," Chuck Schumer told the press over the weekend. "I do worry he might discourage those wishing to obliterate the U.S. and wipe Israel off the face of the Earth. We really need those votes."
The Harris team announced it is nearing a decision on who will join the current Vice President on the national ticket. Governor of Pennsylvania Josh Shapiro is rumored to be at the top of the list, but some worry his Jewish heritage and past as an IDF soldier might cost the dems votes from those wishing to make the streets run red with the blood of Jews if it's the last thing they ever do.
"We really need those 15,000 votes from Dearborn, Michigan who want America to be eternally consumed by the fires of holy jihad," Schumer said. "We'd hate to lose out on their support just because we have a guy on the ticket who probably thinks Jews should exist. It's a real conundrum."
At publishing time, Kamala announced she was also considering just choosing one of the 9/11 convicts currently staying at GITMO, a move sure to appease America's more rabid antisemites.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
