WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congressional Democrats have announced a proposal to abolish the police and replace them all with traveling bands of hippies singing John Lennon's classic song "Imagine."
The police forces will arrive at the scene of a crime, pull out their djembes and guitars, and start singing beautiful lines like, "Imagine there's no heaven / It's easy if you try."
Criminals are expected to begin weeping as soon as they see the peace, love, and tolerance displayed by the hippies. "Our early research has been very promising," said Rayne Windflower, head of hippy research in the city of Minneapolis. "The science seems to indicate that as soon as you approach someone who is breaking the law and start singing 'Imagine all the people living for today' they drop their deadly weapon, return all the goods they have stolen, and join us in a dancing circle to smoke some weed."
"Seriously, try some of this dank bud," the scientist with bloodshot eyes added, giggling.
The new hippy police, will, of course, still have guns just in case the song doesn't work and will be authorized to throw you into a "Love Camp" if you do not comply.
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