WASHINGTON, D.C. — With midterm elections fast approaching, Democrats are rushing to pass key elements of their legislative agenda before they're voted out of office in November. To serve that goal, Democrats proudly unveiled the "Raise Gas Prices Even Higher And Make More Kids Trans" bill on the steps of the Capitol this morning.
"We are very proud of this bill, as it shows the American people that their priorities match our priorities, which are to raise gas prices to at least $15 per gallon and make all the kids change their genders with puberty blockers and surgery," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "This is what the American people want. These are the issues families sitting at the kitchen table every night are concerned about. This is why we were sent here. Let's get it done!"
A few Democrats objected to the bill, insisting that $100 billion more for Ukraine, tax increases, and more booster shots also be added to the legislation.
"If we don't pass this bill, democracy will be destroyed forever," warned Schumer. "Also, please donate to my reelection campaign at my website."
At publishing time, AOC proposed additional amendments to add 32 Supreme Court Justices and make Ted Cruz illegal.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.