WASHINGTON, D.C. — A New York-based group of paranormal investigators known for hunting and trapping ghosts is now coming under fire from Democrats for voter intimidation.
"This dangerous alt-right hate group has themselves admitted to hunting down ghosts, demons, and undead spirits who otherwise would have engaged in their God-given right to participate in our democracy," said Senator Chuck Schumer to reporters. "We believe that whether you are alive, dead, or a floating green apparition that covers people in slime, your right to vote for Democrat politicians is sacred and must be protected."
"I resent the insinuation that we are engaging in anything illegal or untoward," said Dr. Peter Venkman, a member of the group. "We are a team of highly trained professionals who specialize in the elimination of spooks and spectres. I have doctorates in both psychology and parapsychology! How dare you?"
The team also claims to have saved New York City from complete destruction on several occasions. "We provide a valuable service!" said member Ray Stantz. "And if you ask me, I'm not sure if these evil spirits should be allowed to vote in our elections!"
At publishing time, the Ghostbusters were apprehended outside a Georgia polling station intimidating a class VII Metaspectre who was trying to vote 1000 times for Raphael Warnock.
Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.