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NASHVILLE, TN - Daily Wire has struck back at another woke industry, this time introducing a competitor to progressive feminine hygiene product companies like Always and Tampax with the new, anti-woke conservative Jeremy's Tampons.
The conservative news, movie, and razor company made the big announcement today, spending millions of dollars on commercials and billboards all across the U.S.
"For just a $99.99 startup fee and an ongoing $79.99 surcharge, you can stick it to woke Tampax with our conservative-friendly tampons," said Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing flanked by several topless models in a 7-minute commercial that reportedly cost the company $7 million to film. He then took a bazooka and blew up a giant pyramid made of Tampax boxes. "Don't give your money to woke corporations - buy products that get made in the exact same factories from us for way more money to really stick it to the progressives."
"You might say fighting against woke corporations is in our blood."
Boreing ended the commercial by getting in a rental Ferarri and driving over an effigy of the chairman of Procter & Gamble while firing an AR-15 into the air.
Jeremy's Tampons will begin shipping in late 2024.
NOT SATIRE: Big banks are seizing the assets of conservatives, coffee shop chains are advocating for defunding the police, and woke corporations are trying to convince you that there are 78 genders. If we want to restore this nation, it starts with you and your wallet. It's time to move your money towards businesses that love freedom, love our country, and refuse to donate to organizations that stand opposed to everything you believe in.
We at PublicSq. (pronounced "Public Square") are bringing freedom into the mainstream by connecting freedom-loving Americans with like-minded communities and businesses that share their values. We're the largest compilation of patriotic businesses our nation has ever seen and we're just getting started.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.