ANAHEIM - Beloved Disney character Donald Duck was spotted in public without any pants and, according to sources, completely unashamed. The Disneyland mascot has been cited for indecent exposure and is being required to attend an SAA meeting, but concerned parents say it's not enough.
"I bring my children here!" said Billie Jean, a long-time annual pass holder. "Now Donald is flashing everyone? It's disgusting!"
Republicans have pounced on the Walt Disney Company, suggesting the company is grooming children to give up on pants. Meanwhile, Democrats have protested that Donald doesn't go far enough to challenge western heteronormative wardrobe ideals. A job walk-out is being organized by representatives of Black Lives Matter and the LGBTQ community.
Disney CEO Bob Chapek objected to the assertion. "Donald is a beloved cartoon character. He was originally created by Walt Disney and has never worn pants. Disney is not attempting to groom children, or minimize the struggles of individuals who don't wear pants."
"Donald is a duck."
At publishing time, a congressional committee has been established to look into allegations that Donald Duck is running a human trafficking ring.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
