FRANKLIN, MN - Amid growing frustration with lights being left on around the house, local father James Darabont sat his kids down to demonstrate how to flip a light switch to the "Off" position. The two-hour lecture and workshop went over when to turn a light switch off (always) and how to manipulate your fingers to accomplish such a task.
"When you commit to a flipping action," said Mr. Darabont, "you must make sure the light switch goes alllll the way down. If you do not commit fully to the action, the switch may not fully click in the 'down' position. This will raise Daddy's power bill immensely!"
Richard and Annabelle Darabont, ages 7 and 12 respectively, reportedly got the message after five minutes but had to sit through a further 115 minutes and take a final exam.
According to sources, both children failed.
"Kids, if you don't turn the lights off then how will you learn to take care of yourselves?" the disappointed father said. "Leaving the lights on when no one is in the room is exactly the same as stealing."
James Darabont eventually had to cut his lesson short so his wife could begin a 3-day lecture on how to clean up after yourself.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.