ALBANY, NY—Many thought it was great news when they heard about the effectiveness of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, but one person is alarmed by this development: New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. In fact, Cuomo says he has scientists developing a vaccine that will render President Trump’s vaccine ineffective.
“We are doing great here in New York, and I have done everything perfectly,” Cuomo told the press, “just ask anyone in the media -- especially my brother Chris. So we don’t need Trump coming in here and mucking everything up with his vaccine that’s been unproven except for multiple tests by the FDA.”
Cuomo hopes to have the vaccine-vaccine ready next week and will make it mandatory for all citizens of New York. “No one is getting cured by Trump,” Cuomo stated. “Not on my watch.”
Other governors have expressed interest in Cuomo’s vaccine-vaccine, such as California Governor Gavin Newsom. “Trump is just trying to endanger everyone by giving them the freedom to leave their houses when they want and do what they want,” Newsom said. “Californians just aren’t ready to abandon my guidance on their everyday activities.”
President Trump seemed unperturbed by the resistance to his vaccine, though. “Those states didn’t vote for me,” he said, “so I hope they all die.”