U.S.—After yet another career night for Angels center fielder Mike Trout over the weekend, creationist scholars from across the country began citing the six-time all-star, two-time MVP player as “ironclad proof” of intelligent design.
“Mike Trout is an absolute machine—and machines don’t simply evolve from primordial soup by pure random chance,” Answers in Genesis president Ken Ham said in an article published to the AiG site Monday. “All you have to do is watch Trout crush five hits against the Yankees, including four extra-base hits to lead the Angels to an 11-4 win, and there’s just no way you can deny there’s a benevolent deity out there who created him.”
“There are a lot of good arguments for intelligent design, but frankly, that a player as mind-blowing as Mike Trout could possibly exist is the best one yet,” Ham concluded.
Atheists everywhere started working to debunk the new proof of God’s existence right away, claiming that Trout’s underwhelming performance Sunday night demonstrated that Trout’s seemingly supernatural hitting ability, raw speed, and unmatched discipline were simply byproducts of random chance mutations occurring over billions of years.