VARLEY, NC—In an attempt to be admitted into the inner circles of Grace Baptist Church’s bustling social life, local woman Christy Anderson and her husband Jim recently had their first child, sources confirmed Monday.
The couple had made the decision to wait a few years before trying, but when they realized they were being excluded from myriad informal church get-togethers, they resigned themselves to their child-producing fate.
“It was the only way to get invited to game night, you know?” Christy told reporters Monday. “And I totally knew they were having barbecues every weekend without telling us. I smelled it on their clothes.”
Sure enough, the Andersons found out that no one is allowed into the secret upper echelons of society at Grace Baptist unless they have a child, with the truly elite gatherings being reserved for those with four-and-a-half kids or more.
“Our trick worked! We’re a part of the inner circle now—at least the first rung,” Jim said. “And little Caleb is pretty cool too.”
At publishing time, the Andersons had purchased a minivan to further signal their eligibility for admission into informal church gatherings.