WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Supreme Court issued an official statement on Thursday begging the state of Colorado to please just be normal for once.
After having to spend his entire day explaining to Colorado that therapists can tell a boy that he is a boy, Chief Justice John Roberts asked if the entire state could just be cool for like 15 minutes.
"Can you guys just not be weird this one time?" asked Roberts. "You can't make people bake gay cakes. You can't make people make gay websites. You can't make people call a boy a girl. I'm spending ninety percent of my life now telling you guys that you can't force people to do gay stuff. It's exhausting. Why can't you be normal? Chill out, Colorado."
Inside sources revealed that the Supreme Court had reportedly begun considering various ideas to address the issue, including setting up a new court just to overturn whatever Colorado does. "It's honestly amazing how the Colorado Supreme Court gets every single case wrong," said Justice Brett Kavanaugh. "They are batting a literal zero on deciding which laws are constitutional. How do you even do that? The kid who picks 'C' on every single test question would have a way better average than they do. In fact, I may just have one of my kids look over all their decisions before I bother."
At publishing time, Colorado had announced that it would pass a law forcing people to drive gay cars as it felt confident this would be constitutional.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
