WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a brave move hailed by political analysts as an inspiring display of courage, New Jersey Senator Cory Booker embarked on a straddling anti-drug crusade by hosting a 24-hour live public service announcement on the dangers of crystal meth.
Taking the Senate floor, Booker gave a raw, uncensored demonstration to the American people of the dangers of methamphetamine use, as he stood at a lectern and gave a wild-eyed speech full of flailing appendages, mouth frothing, and unintelligible shouting.
"It's truly brave of him to show everyone the consequences of pumping yourself full of meth," said Booker's fellow Democratic Senator John Fetterman. "I've experienced the dangers of meth use firsthand, and it's horrifying. With our country facing the harsh realities of drug addiction, it's important for everyone to see what it looks like up close. No one wants their loved one to become like Senator Booker."
Anti-drug activists applauded Booker as he passed the 21-hour mark. "It's definitely getting the point across," said drug abuse awareness advocate Phil Jasper, who was in attendance to witness the PSA. "Anyone who sees or hears Senator Booker today will know that meth is not something to play with."
Others in attendance reported that Booker had yet to blink once during his meth-fueled anti-Trump tirade, though a majority of spectators in the gallery weren't sure what he was talking about.
At publishing time, Booker had shown no signs of slowing down, emphasizing the urgency for the government to secure the borders to prevent such potent meth from being smuggled into America.
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