Health
Coronavirus Panics After Testing Positive For Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Coronavirus has begun panicking after testing positive for Trump.

The test came back late Thursday evening, and doctors confirmed the worst: the coronavirus has contracted Trump-45.

"Oh no! We're doomed!" cried tiny little coronaviruses, frantically looking for a way to escape Trump's body. But Trump held his breath and plugged his nose and ears, sealing off escape hatch after escape hatch, preventing the viruses from leaving his body. Superpowered Trump antibodies, shaped like little Ys with orange hair, charged in, sealing the coronavirus's fate.

"Game over, man, game over! They're coming out of the blood vessel walls -- they're coming out of the goshdarn walls!" the coronaviruses screamed as they made their desperate last stand.

Coronavirus was also concerned it might be called a Nazi and doxxed for its association with Donald Trump. These fears appeared to be justified, as CNN immediately began digging up coronavirus's old tweets.

There are 45 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.