U.S. — Liberals unable to define the words "man" or "woman" have angrily demanded conservatives give a singular definition of a term recently made up by liberals.
"You just yell 'woke' at anything you don't like!" screamed liberal activist Jan Barlow. "Bigot! Nazi!!"
During a brief break in Ms. Barlow's screaming, local conservative Roger Hartnett attempted to help. "I tried to explain that 'woke' means the insane cultural rules being forced on us by leftists, and that the term's specifics keep changing because leftists keep coming with new insane cultural rules," said Mr. Hartnett. "She responded by cursing me for not asking her pronouns, and then began foaming at the mouth. I don't think I got through to her."
Developmental experts have become puzzled as to precisely how children who can easily define "man" and "woman" somehow lose that cognitive ability upon becoming liberal. "It's truly a remarkable phenomenon," said neuroscientist Dr. Reginald Steele. "After thousands of years of humans being able to easily distinguish men from women, this highly specific neurologic malady has suddenly appeared. The disease totally spares children, and only seems to affect humans in particular countries with particular political philosophies. Quite a head-scratcher."
At publishing time, researchers had determined that 99.9% of leftists can easily define "man" and "woman" - they're just scared to.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
