FRANKLIN, TN — A local conservative man was frustrated today after waking up and scrolling through his social media accounts and finding out he is now required to come out in defense of Jason Aldean's music.
"Not really what I signed up for," said staunch conservative voter Mike Hester. "I'm all for standing up for traditional American values and fighting to preserve the foundation this country was built on, but when it comes to voicing support for Jason Aldean's music? Oof. That's a big ask."
Aldean came under heavy fire from mainstream media and Democrat voters after releasing his song "Try That In A Small Town," which has been branded racist and pro-violence. "He's trying to say we shouldn't carjack old ladies or spit in cops' faces," complained liberal citizen Constance Morrow. "Does it get any more racist and evil than that?!"
Hester was quick to point out his support for the overall message of the song. "Oh, I totally agree with what the song is trying to say," he explained. "I don't think the stuff that happens in big cities would happen if it was attempted in small-town America. But…ya know…it's a country song…by Jason Aldean. So, yeah…I have to grit my teeth when I defend it. Is it too much to ask that we have a great conservative song that isn't another country-pop tune?"
At publishing time, Hester was considering alternative methods to show his support for Aldean and his song, including setting up fake social media accounts to post supportive messages without losing respect for himself.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
