BERKELEY, CA — College students will have an exciting opportunity this fall, as several educational institutions have announced they will offer credit in gender studies courses to any students who are able to sit through the entirety of the new Barbie movie.
"We decided sitting through the movie should earn them something," said University of California Chancellor Carol Christ. "Obtaining college credits should not come without a cost, and there's no greater cost in our estimation than watching the entire Barbie film."
Experts say Barbie has managed an impressive feat by distilling an entire year of gender studies into one 2-hour movie by beating you mercilessly over the head with anti-patriarchy messaging for the entirety of its runtime. "Anyone who manages to sit through this thing has received the ultimate crash course in insufferable feminist scholarship," said Dr. Xindi Xantham (she/her), Professor of Insufferability at UC Berkeley. "The film is an absolute masterpiece."
The release of the Barbie movie comes at a welcome time for incoming students. "I'll do my best to sit through it," said freshman Greg Tuter. "I'll take whatever credits I can get, even if it means watching this dumpster fire. At least it's got Margot Robbie in it…but I heard she's just ‘mid' now, so I don't know."
At publishing time, the first batch of students testing out the college's credit offer for watching the movie failed to complete the task, with all of them sprinting out of the theater screaming before the movie was over.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
