WASHINGTON, D.C. — House and Senate lawmakers have reportedly come to a deal to avoid defaulting on the national debt by raising the debt ceiling to infinity million billion +1. The deal was later amended with a "no takebacks" clause to shield it from further debate.
"The debt crisis has been averted," said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer proudly. "This is now the future's problem. I'm going on vacation!"
Sen. Joe Manchin of West Virginia, a centrist Democrat, reportedly held out until the eleventh hour before amending the proposed debt increase with a "no takebacks" clause.
"We're going to be right back here in a year if we allow takebacks," he said. "This should be a bipartisan effort. Stamp, doublestamp and no erasies!"
Manchin then ran back to his senate desk which he previously declared a safe zone from further debate.
Experts believe the deal will have ramifications on political dealings for years to come. According to sources, Republican lawmakers are looking into implementing "no take-back" legislation to protect the 2nd amendment.
At publishing time, the government borrowed more money it never intended to pay back.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
