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Theology
Confused Joel Osteen Book Unsure What It's Doing In Christian Section

CLARKSBURG, WV—A confused copy of Joel Osteen's book The Power of I Am was unsure what it was doing in the Christian Living section of the book department at a local Walmart Supercenter, sources confirmed Wednesday.

"I hardly ever mention Jesus," the book said. "I'm pretty much just a self-help book dressed up with vaguely Christian language. I talk a lot about positivity and thinking good thoughts, but not so much about repentance and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Really, I should be in the self-help section or just up with the magazines filled with vapid fluff. See, I can relate to those kinds of books."

The book said it was uncomfortable sharing shelf space with actual Bibles, theologically sound titles, and books that actually mention Jesus by name.

"These guys can be pretty offensive, and they're really dragging me down," the book lamented.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed a nearby coloring book was similarly lost.

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