MENLO PARK, CA—Declaring the problem to be a "national emergency," Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg ordered the construction of a looming firewall along the borders of Facebook to prevent Google Plus refugees from getting in.
A caravan of refugees from the nearly defunct social network began transitioning to Facebook earlier this week, causing Facebook engineers to quickly begin construction of the wall. While conspiracy theorists suggested the caravan was actually funded by Twitter, these claims seem to be unfounded.
"We don't know what kinds of people they're sending us," Zuckerberg cautioned. "Sure, most of them may be legitimately seeking asylum. But all it takes is a few bad apples---you know, guys who post low-quality memes all day, people discussing anime. We can't take that kind of chance."
One group of refugees charged the Facebook border early Monday but were repelled by a captcha attack, a move that was criticized as inhumane toward robots and those who might identify as robots.
"First and foremost, we have to protect our borders," Zuckerberg said in a press conference. "Let them wait in MeWe or Twitter and apply for asylum like everyone else."
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.