ARLINGTON, VA — Following the latest in a growing number of incidents involving its aircraft spontaneously falling apart in mid-flight, Boeing posted a concerning job opening for a position titled "Guy Who Knows How to Keep Wings on Plane."

Insiders confirmed reports that the aerospace corporation had finally decided to do something about parts of its airplanes falling off and endangering the lives of passengers, electing to create a new position specifically for someone who holds specialized knowledge about keeping the wings attached to the airplanes.

"Ideally, a successful applicant would know how to keep both wings on the plane," said one source inside Boeing. "One is pretty good though. It would be a step in the right direction."

Reports indicated a high-level meeting took place shortly after reports of yet another incident in which a Boeing craft was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger looked out the window and noticed the wing disintegrating before his eyes. "Wings falling off our planes is really threatening to cut into our bottom line," said Boeing executive Steve Manning. "It's a bold move, but we're ready to a hire a wing-staying-on planes expert to help right the ship."

At publishing time, air travelers had become more concerned when the only job qualification for the job was "Must be proficient in use of duct tape."

YUGE NEWS! There's a new Donald Trump Version of the Bible, and we've got the exclusive clip of Trump reciting his favorite verses.