Conan The Barbarian Acquires Biology Degree So He Can Know Whose Lamentations He's Hearing

Worldviews · Mar 26, 2022 · BabylonBee.com
Image for article: Conan The Barbarian Acquires Biology Degree So He Can Know Whose Lamentations He's Hearing

CIMMERIA - Local adventurer and slayer Conan the Barbarian has decided to temporarily lay aside the rich juices of red meat, the stinging wine on his palate, and the mad exultation of battle to pursue an advanced degree in biology at a local university. According to sources, his lack of expertise in biology made it difficult for him to know whose lamentations he was hearing. 

"This is what is best in life," said Conan to reporters. "To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their... uh... crap. Women? Maybe? I dunno. I'm not a biologist. I need to look into this." 

Conan will attend Snowhawk University for the next six years where he will learn everything there is to know about the feminine creatures who cry and lament over their slain warriors after Conan defeats them. 

Several activists from the University have condemned the admission of the new student due to his politically incorrect - some would say savage - views, and also due to the fact that he keeps slaying people. "Conan has no place at our university," lamented an angry professor moments before being hewn in two by Conan's Atlantean Sword.

Unfortunately upon graduation, Conan found he will have to go back to school for gender studies to unlearn everything he learned in biology. 


Desperate to win back male voters, Democrat strategists propose bold new ideas.

Loading Comments...
Shop The Bee

Fake news you can trust, delivered straight to your inbox!

Big Tech is suppressing conservative voices. Sign up for our free newsletter so you'll keep getting our content, no matter what.

We care about the protection of your data. Read our Privacy Policy.