HOBBITON - Denethor II, Ruling Steward of Gondor, has announced that food shortages will be impacting everyone across Middle Earth. Throughout The Shire, more Hobbits are having to go without second breakfast as a result of the reduced food supply.
"What are we going to do, Merry. We've just enough for our first breakfast," said Peregrin Took, more commonly known as Pippin. "Sure we've had one, yes. But what about Second Breakfast? What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? How much longer can we last out here like this?"
"Us hobbits are sturdy folk, Pip. We'll just have to make do with what we have," said Merry. "But the way things are going, I'm worried we might actually lose a pound or two."
Many Hobbits have pointed out that the shortages are disproportionately affecting halflings the most. They claim that their vast food supplies that would normally last men years will only last Hobbits mere weeks.
"I thought Denethor was going to Build Back Better, but instead he seems to blame everything on orcs and Mordor," said Pippin. "Us hobbits normally don't concern ourselves with the affairs of men, but seems we have no choice but to take notice now."
At publishing time, the food shortages placed all of Hobbiton in a state of emergency after a report of one Hobbit being forced to eat dinner without any sides.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
